Something In The Way That She Held Me
by justafan245
Summary: Set after season two finale, Zuko comes back but will only speak to Katara, is he really helping her or still working as Azula's stooge? Hopefully better than summary, Zutara
1. An Argument

Ok here it is, my first proper story – by that I mean not one-shot. I would love for you to review and be nice and things because I'm feeling extremely nervous about doing this. Urmmm – yea basically there are many reasons why I should not get myself into a big long story right now but this stupid thing WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE! Seriously I started dreaming about it – and I got really scared. So hopefully when I've finished it it'll be out of my system.

Something In The Way That She Held Me

Chapter 1

Aang was bad, but he was over the worst. Katara had insisted that he rest after the episode in the cave when Azula almost killed him; not that they mentioned it much. That black day had become an almost 'taboo' subject among the members of the group, a trend that Katara, at least, was thankful for.

She had never really talked about her experiences that day, partly because she was busy with Aang and partly because of a sub-conscious wish to keep the details of that day secret. She didn't know why but she somehow felt it would be better if she were to keep what happened between her and Zuko in the cave to herself. So, by and by, no-one really had a clear idea of what had happened beneath the city of Ba Sing Se, what with Aang's sickness and Katara's secrecy. Most of the time people let it slide, but tonight was different.

"I thought Zuko hated that fire chick, I mean there was that time when he helped us, you know after she flamed his Uncle."

They were all lying around the campfire, extremely subdued. They had all eaten the rather meagre meal that Katara had managed to make between the low supplies and the time she spent nursing Aang, and were now at a loss as to what to do next. Sokka, being Sokka, thought that talking would be the best thing to do next and had broached the 'taboo' subject without even realising it was a 'taboo' subject, such was his social decorum. The relief of the group at being able to talk about the 'forbidden subject' was such that they were now in the midst of a heated discussion concerning the person who Katara most didn't want to think about: Zuko.

"Hmmm, well maybe he decided he hated us more than he hated her in the end, what _did_ you say to him Katara?" Asked Toph in her usual 'is she sarcastic or not?' way. Even so, Katara's heart skipped a beat.

"Wh-what do you mean? Why would I say anything to him?"

"Well you were stuck in a cave with him for a rather long time weren't you? I was only suggesting that our favourite Princey's change of heart was something to do with something you may have said to him to offend him – it was a JOKE!" Toph explained tiredly.

"Oh right, well we didn't say much, well that is to say we did, but urmm , nothing important," Katara murmured disjointedly, avoiding the piercing gaze from Toph's dead eyes – so what if she couldn't see? She could still stare.

The conversation moved on, oblivious to her discomfort. She answered their questions as best she could, without giving anyone an indication of what had _really_ passed between the two of them, without giving them the whole truth.

Later on the group had dispersed: it was Sokka's turn on the 'watch tree' (It was necessary to have a look out as, since it was inadvisable to move Aang, they were likely to be there for quite some time); the Earth King, and Bosco, took up their post beside the sleeping Aang, they were there to check on the avatar's health and make sure he got medicine as soon as he needed it; Katara and Toph were the only ones left to sleep, they had taken the posts the previous night.

Katara was lying on her sleeping bag, waiting for sleep to take her after the busy day and the sleepless night before. She was just dozing off when she heard Toph speak to her.

"You sure get through them, don't you?"

"I'm sorry?" questioned the now awake Katara.

"How many have there been now? Let's see," she sat up and began counting off her fingers, "there's that Jet boy who you said wasn't your boyfriend, whatever. Then there's this Haru boy your brother was telling me about, Little Miss Heroic quite caught his fancy I hear, then there's Aang of course…"

"What?!" Katara exclaimed, "seriously Toph what are you suggesting? You're just listing every guy I've ever met! I mean you may have something going with Jet, maybe even Haru – but Aang!"

"Come on, Katara, I think you're blinder than I am sometimes. Aang is quite blatantly in love with you, everyone knows it, except you it seems," Toph said, almost bitterly, "and now it seems you've got another one."

"Oh yes? And who might that be? My brother perhaps or maybe the Earth King – oh no of course, it's Bosco!" Katara would have shouted if she hadn't of been worried about alerting the others, instead she satisfied herself with getting up and walking around the camp fire.

"No, not one of them, someone quite different and you know very well who it is Katara."

"Pray, do enlighten me," Katara bent over in a mock bow but froze when she heard Toph speak next.

"Zuko"

The first thing Katara was aware of was the very fast and very painful beating of her heart inside her chest. Slowly, agonisingly slowly, she straightened herself and looked straight at her companion.

"What?" she whispered, it was barely audible but Toph caught it.

"Katara, I know when you're lying. Every time someone mentioned him your heart started jumping about worse than Sokka on cactus juice, it's almost deafening me right now," said Toph calmly, emotionlessly, waiting for the storm to break over the top of her.

"You think you're so damn smart don't you Toph? Well you've got it wrong – WRONG! You have no idea what happened in that cave or how much I regret…look I don't have to tell you anything!" With that Katara started stalking away out of the campsite.

"Oh yea, because it really sounds like I've got it wrong! Yea that's right Katara leave – leave and wait for all the boys to run after you to check little Miss Sugar Queen is ok. You are just so precious aren't you…" Her voice drifted into nothingness as Katara moved further away.

She was moving in the same direction she always did when she was angry, tense or just wanted to be alone. As she was now a mixture of all three she hurried with all possible speed towards her element. She had walked this way so many times the route had become second nature to her and, in as little time as she could have hoped for, she finally caught side of the small stream that wound its way through the woods.

She stepped into the water until it was level with her knees. Slowly she raised her arms and began to prepare herself to practice her bending; this, she had found, was the best way to release her anger. She was about to start with one of the simpler moves when she heard a loud distinct cough and a 'psssst'.

Yes please, please review! I'm not sure whether to make this funny or not (if I try it'll probably turn out very un-funny) so, yea, any ideas, contributions, thoughts would be very much appreciated by moi!


	2. Once Bitten

O.k, very sorry this took so long, was only meant to take a day, two days tops, but then i got ill, so you know. Plus friends were idiots and fell out etc making a huge mess i had to sort out! So anyway, here it is, not sure how i feel about it, hoping the next one will be better.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything...at all.

Chapter 2

Turning around in alarm she looked for the source of the sound. There, emerging from the bushes behind her, was the person she least expected and least wanted to see.

"YOU!"

Zuko was about to reply when a large wall of water slammed into him knocking him back into the bushes where he had come from. He looked up to see her standing above him, a dark shadow against the night sky.

"Why are you here?" she said, her arms hovering above him threateningly.

"We need to talk, please just listen," he pleaded. He seemed so broken, so unlike his usual self, almost like he had been in the cave. Had she been less angry she may have softened a little and granted his request, as it was it passed by unnoticed.

"Listen? I listened before and where did it get me? You know, I nearly believed you, nearly believed you had changed…"

"I have changed," he winced at the bad choice of words, "I mean…" but it was too late, the damage had been done. In an instant Katara was plunged into the last disastrous battle, the pain, the fear at nearly having lost Aang and the sting of Zuko's betrayal.

With a frustrated scream she poured most of the streams contents over the Prince. She then forgot about her element and launched herself at him, slapping, kicking and biting, determined to hurt him as much as possible.

Slowly, reluctantly, Zuko realised he would have to stop her by force, one after the other he caught her wrists in his hands, effectively blocking her movements. He had not wished to use violence against the girl and was concerned at how white her wrists became under his grip as she struggled against him.

The familiarity of the situation was apparent to both; Zuko tried to hide his shame at being caught in a position that highlighted his past regrets and mistakes, Katara simply glared at him with cold eyes.

Slowly but surely she began to step backwards, calmly attempting to pull herself away from him; she wasn't struggling as such, just trying to free herself, to serenely slip from his grasp. He followed her forewords with every step she took, as if they were dancing without music. His eyes pleaded with hers to listen, to give in, to allow him a chance but they were met with the stone-cold indifference of her own eyes, the fire in them caused by her anger, only moments before, had now dulled into nothingness.

There was danger though, hidden behind that passive exterior. It was as if they were under a spell, there seemed to be no sound, no concept of where they were; it felt almost as if they were underwater. Zuko was afraid, very afraid, of breaking the spell but knew it must be done soon, every second added to the tension.

"Please I don't want to hurt you -"

It broke. He could have sworn he heard a faint _smash _as Katara's eyes burned.

"Hurt me? You don't want to hurt me?" Her voice was rising to slightly hysterical levels, "you've already hurt me Zuko – I trusted you, I thought – I'm ashamed to remember what I thought then," her voice trailed off into nothingness, the spark gone.

"I'm sorry."

She looked up at him in disbelief; he'd said it before and she had believed him, well you know what they say: once bitten, twice shy. In a sudden surge of strength Katara tried to pull herself backwards out of his grasp. The momentum created by this resulted in Zuko following her movements until both collided with a tree. Katara was trapped with her back against the tree, caged by Zuko's arms, which were either side of her body, his hands resting on the trunk.

She turned her face to look at him, her eyes burning with hatred, just as he did the same to her. All at once both became aware that they were close, too close. Yet, for some reason, neither one wanted to break away. Katara could feel his breath on her cheek; hear his heart beat next to her own. She was painfully awake to his scent, a mix of wood-smoke and warmth and something else…something distinctly Zuko. His lips were hovering above hers, barely an inch apart. Time stopped for them, they were suspended in a moment, both unable to move.

Eventually Katara looked away, staring down at the ground. They both stood for a second catching their breath, as if they had been winded when the trance lifted. She looked up at him again.

"Well isn't this familiar? You seem to have a thing about trees, this is the second time you've pinned me against one."

She smirked inwardly with satisfaction as a faint blush spread over his cheeks. He was about to open his mouth to say something but she beat him to it.

"Fine, I'll listen," she said wearily.

He blinked. Twice. Very slowly. "You what?"

"I said I'll listen, it's not like I have any choice anyway," she added bitterly.

"And you won't, run away, or attack me again if I let you go, will you?" he asked earnestly

"No," she sighed, "no I won't escape; now get on with it before I change my mind."

* * *

"So you did it then, made her believe in it?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"Good job, _Zuzu_, I dismiss you for now, I will call for you when I need you next."

He managed to control the whisps of smoke forming within his clenched fists. Every day he told himself to swallow his pride, let her rule above him and order him around; if he didn't… well that wasn't even worth thinking about.

As he walked up the stairs to his chamber he reflected on his interview with the water tribe girl. It made him feel sick, how pathetic he had sounded. He entered his bedroom and slammed the door, the anger he felt at what he had done was huge. To have had to beg, plead and bargain with that peasant was more than he could bear. And then there had been that _thing_ under the tree, what was that? He groaned and fell onto his bed.

* * *

Hmmm yea, was supposed to keep you guessing, so...yea. Please review! Reviews help me get better. The next chapter should be up sooner. Should be. 


	3. Lies and Secrets

This is just a short chapter to let you know I meant what I said about updating quickly. This was written during psychology so if I fail it I shall blame all of you!

Disclaimer: Don't own it, would be scary if I did – there would be way too many people tied to trees!

Chapter 3

How can you tell when someone's lying? Is it in their voice, their face, their eyes? Do they act differently? If they do then Zuko was definitely lying. The change in him seems almost impossible, the extremity of it makes him seem like a completely different person. Even in the cave, even when he had opened himself up to me completely, he had never seemed so broken before, so utterly beaten. The pride that had been so strong within him had been snuffed out, there was no arrogance, no haughty countenance. It was as though he had been defeated, had finally given up.

And if I'm honest it scared me a little.

With the old Zuko you always knew where you stood; there were certain expectations, certain _rules_ you had to abide by. Recently I've been breaking far too many of those rules.

He attacks, we defend; we fly away, he yells. It's the tradition, the tried and tested way in which we, as enemies, meet and fight and live. Yet suddenly I begin to find myself listening to him, pitying him and, dare I say it, understanding him. If the way to defeat your enemy truly is to gain an understanding of him then I am well on my way to victory. So why doesn't it feel as if I am, why does he feel less like my enemy now?

Something had changed between us in that cave, some unspoken agreement had been forged. Even after his betrayal in the battle for Ba Sing Se I still didn't picture him as my largest threat; that had been Azula. My anger at him was more frustration than anything else; instead of fear there was disappointment.

He has changed again. How he is now is more alien to me than anything he did to me in that last battle and it disturbs me in ways I can't describe.

This 'deal' he's forged between me and him feels wrong somehow, as if there's something not quite right. It's not just because he is, ultimately, my enemy, I remember there's that old saying: the enemy of your enemy is your friend. No, I'm not worried about that. There was something else, something in the way that he…oh! I can't explain, I don't understand it myself.

When did life become so complicated? Thoughts spin through my head until I'm dizzy and almost sick with it. 'A deal,' he had said. He'd sure got himself that.

'No secrets and no lies, I need to know everything you know and, in return, I'll share with you everything I learn at the palace. We must keep nothing back if this is to work,' he had hesitated and then added, 'I can't let her win, you see, I just can't.'

'I don't think I can afford to let her do that either,' I had agreed.

And so I had struck a deal with my most persistent enemy, who may, or may not, have been trustworthy. Either way it was madness on my part to trust him even enough to agree to such a thing, no matter how much he said he could help me.

I have all these niggling doubts eating away at me; can I trust him? Is he lying to me, again? He's already lied to me once who's to say he won't do it again? Am I mad to trust him when I could be putting all my other friends in danger?

Yet the most prominent emotion by far is one of guilt, not for my friends who I have put in danger, but for him, Zuko, my enemy.

'No secrets, no lies,' he had said.

Then why didn't I tell him the Avatar was still alive?

* * *

Katara stayed under that tree for a long time, thinking over what she had just done, and what she had said she would do in the future. She hadn't trusted the prince enough to leave first in case he followed her to the camp. Eventually she got up and walked back; it was time to make up with Toph. She could see the darkness fading and the first rays of light spreading across the sky. She looked up at the rising sun and thought of the Fire Prince; he had paced up that river bank every night for two weeks, he had told her, hoping to find some sign of her. He had known she wouldn't have strayed far then, he had known that she would never have left while people needed her help.

Two weeks…Katara looked up at the sun and smiled, although if you had asked her, she couldn't have said why.

* * *

Ok, so story kind of taking shape now. This is because I finally decided on a plot; it has changed about ten times in the past week depending on my mood. Please review and let me know you are still alive and reading this dam thing. Cheers m'dears. 


	4. Turmoil

Ok i am SO sorry for not updating - there really is no excuse for it! This chapter is the result of some serious poking from a certain person who is BOUND to know who she is - well in case she doesn't her name is Random.Gal930 - and it is all down to her! And also because of her i will continue to write and update because she actually got me thinking about stories again! Yay!!

Sorry again - please don't hurt me!!

Chapter 4

The others didn't know what had gotten into her. All they knew was that the Katara they knew and loved had been replaced by an over-sensitive, jumpy, sleep-deprived monster that, apparently, had a bladder problem.

It was odd but whatever she was doing she seemed to be distracted by something. No matter what the task - be it hunting for food, taking her turn on the look-out tree or caring for Aang's wounds - she would always be craning her neck westwards, the direction of the stream. If you watched her for long enough she would look compulsively every few seconds, although what she was looking for was a mystery, and then eventually her eyes would widen, she would drop whatever she was doing (sometimes literally) and excuse herself. She would be going to the 'bathroom' (a pleasant euphemism for the toilet that the gang had invented to prevent the boys getting too crude) or she needed to 'bathe' as she had 'accidentally' spilt something all over herself. Then off she would go running into the forest only to return an hour or two hours later apologising profusely for taking so long.

Sokka would gaze up in wonder at her and mutter something under his breath that sounded dangerously like 'women!', this would ultimately get looks of daggers sent at him by his sister and he would also earn himself a rock up his ass and a flight through the air by an angered Toph.

Toph, however, was also concerned about Katara. Despite their little argument Toph really loved the girl, thought of her almost as a sister, and she could tell that Katara wasn't quite right. Her voice was strained, her heartbeat raced at any loud noise and she was hardly sleeping.

It had been suggested, around the campsite, that someone follow her while she took these little trips, but it had been found that, when it came to actual practicalities, no-one was really brave enough to tail the stressed-out waterbender.

'I just hope she's not doing anything stupid,' thought Toph before she turned over and went to sleep.

* * *

"I'm sorry I took so long, I was up a tree," cried a breathless Katara as she jogged up to the fire prince.

He turned round to face her, amusement glinting in his eyes. He didn't need to say anything, all he needed to do was raise one eyebrow and she died a little inside.

"It's a look-out type thing," she hastily explained, "I really don't see what's so funny," she added crossly as Zuko began to laugh and snort.

"You were up a tree?" he scoffed, "that's priceless, the best excuse I've heard yet, 'sorry I'm late, I was up a tree!'" he fell about again enamoured with his own amusingness.

Katara stood tapping her foot waiting for him to finish. It took some time.

Eventually Zuko calmed down enough so that Katara could broach a subject that had been bothering her all week.

'We really need to sort out a proper time to meet, this looking for smoke crap is absolutely ridiculous!'

'But I thought we had already discussed…I can't make a proper time because I have no idea when Azula will let me out of her sight!' Zuko, in fact, knew that Azula would be more than happy to let him meet the little waterbender at any time he wished, the reason he didn't want to specify a time was that it would ruin a little game he had been playing.

They had come up with a plan to signify their meetings. Zuko would send small puffs of smoke into the air when he had reached the stream and was ready to meet her. They were small and unnoticeable enough to be ignored unless you were really looking for them.

Recently though Zuko had been sending the smoke into the air and then hiding from her when he heard her coming, and she always came. For reasons beyond his understanding it amused him to see her running into the clearing, out of breath, panting and bending over with her hands on her knees in an attempt to start breathing normally again. Zuko would watch her expression as she looked around the clearing expectantly and then watch her face crumble into annoyance when she realised no-one was there. He'd sometimes have to keep himself from laughing when she'd sometimes put her hand to her forehead and give herself a shake. The poor girl must think she's going crazy. He'd smile as he watched her leave and then a few minutes later, when it was safe, he'd leave also – ready to come back two hours later and repeat it all again.

'I know what we discussed, and I know it makes sense, but I've come to the conclusion that smoke is just not a reliable method. Do you know how many times I've been up and down the road to this clearing because I thought you were here? A lot – that's how many! I swear the others think there's something wrong with me,' her eyes narrowed as she saw Zuko smirk, 'and I know that's terribly amusing to you _Prince _Zuko but I think they're going to start following me soon and then we'll _both_ be in trouble!'

As much as Zuko hated to give up his little 'game', what she said made sense. He pretended to think for a little bit.

'You know, I guess I could sneak out at night…I would be able to sneak past the guards pretty easily, they don't really pay much attention to me…I guess midnights as good a time as ever – and you would be able to tell by the moon when to meet me…' he trailed off waiting to hear her answer.

'I suppose that makes sense, yea. I'll just have to find a way to sneak past everyone. I might have to pull the bathroom trick again… we also need to find a new place to meet. It's too dangerous to meet in the same place, plus – it's too close to the camp.' She bit her lip as she realised she shouldn't have said that, she still didn't want Zuko to find the camp, and he still believed that the Avatar was dead. She breathed a sigh of relief as he appeared not to have noticed.

'Well I guess now is as good a time as any to go look for one, and on the way we can swap information.'

'Business before pleasure, hmm?' Smiled Katara wily.

Zuko just smiled and shook his head as they began to trudge through the thick forest.

* * *

'So you're meeting her at midnight each night? How _romantic_ Zuzu, I didn't think you had it in you.'

Agni, he hated his sister, she really was a royal pain in the ass!

'It's the only time we could both meet; I've already explained the faults with the previous arrangement.'

'Yes O.K, and everything you've told me is correct? Not trying to pull a fast one on me are you Zuzu? Don't want to end up like our Uncle do you Zuzu?'

The anger was building up inside of him; it took all of his control to stop himself from shaking with the emotion. His hands clenched into fists so tight that his knuckles cut into his palms, not that he minded. The pain was a welcome release.

'It's all true. The Avatar is dead. The rest of his posse as well as the Earth King and the ridiculous bear are hiding out in the woods. They believe they can help the refugees in the city. They won't leave until they do help.'

'Then that makes our job a little easier, doesn't it Zuzu? Keep up the good work and you might just earn yourself some freedom.'

She turned away from him and Zuko, clearly dismissed, walked slowly up to his room. It was smaller than it should have been. Sparsely furnished and decorated in the greens of the Earth Kingdom. He collapsed on the bed and thought about everything that had happened to him recently: the cave, the battle, his Uncle, Azula and Katara.

Katara seemed to enter his head a lot these days, and with her came the waves of guilt that made him sick to his stomach. He would keep telling himself that she was just an uncivilised, stupid water-peasant but deep down he knew it wasn't true. In fact, they had a lot in common. He had found that out when they had been in the cave together - he hadn't spoken to anyone like he had spoken to her then in a long time, well anyone except his Uncle that is. He stomach twinged again as more guilt washed over him.

His Uncle. Nothing could take away the pain of his disappointed look when he saw Zuko standing with his sister. Nothing could take away the pain of his Uncle Iroh being taken away by the guards, and forced to live in that dingy cell at the very bottom of the dungeon, where the water leaked in and the rats ran freely. What would his Uncle say if he could see him now? Betraying a girl who had already lost so much, and for what? A promise of freedom, a promise from someone who had no concept of honour, someone who had already tricked him more than once and who he had learnt very early on in life to distrust.

'Azula always lies.'

He shut his eyes as he felt the beginnings of a headache. But the jumbled mess of his thoughts would not leave him alone. However, in the midst of the chaos a pair of calm blue eyes appeared. They were deep and peaceful, full of serenity and, grateful for any distraction from the turmoil inside him, he lost himself in them as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I will forgive you if you refuse to review me after i've been such a lazy bum - but i would still like them puppy dog eyes


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